Some People Don’t Think I Should Be a Mom — I Don’t Care

Everything is exactly as it should be

It's getting more common on social media now—particularly on X but on other platforms as well—to see criticisms of same-sex couples raising children. I personally see this a lot because some of the circles I am in overlap with those making these criticisms. And no, it has not sent me running into the arms of radical progressives who want to transition children, even though those people are also more likely to support same-sex marriages and parenting. My politics aren't only about maximizing benefit to myself.

But I do happen to be a lesbian mom raising a baby girl with my wife. So, is it hard to see this sentiment among people on my side on other issues, even among people I genuinely like? To be honest, not at all. The best thing in the world has happened to me. It doesn't feel right praying for anything else because I already received all my heart ever truly wanted. To care about what anyone else thinks after getting such a gift would feel almost blasphemous.

Of course, how this will all impact the daughter I am raising matters even more than what I feel and think. That's who all this is for at the end of the day. And I don't agree, as a common narrative that's been going around claims, that it's selfish to simply want children. I don't think the desire to create a person you will love more than yourself means you are prioritizing adult wants over children's needs. Children should be wanted. That is a circumstance that is good for a child to be born into. In fact, I think one of the best features of modernity is that more and more children are being born because they are purely wanted, not because they were accidents or to work the family farm. (Obviously, accidental children can also be enthusiastically welcomed and loved, I'm just saying that this has become less common nowadays).

When it comes to my own daughter, her entry into life has been one of the most cosmically blessed entries in the entire universe, when you really take all of human history into account. She is happy, safe, cared for, and surrounded by people who love her. And she wouldn't exist if everyone involved in creating her wasn't who they are. This wonderful little girl simply wouldn't be here, and the world is certainly better with her in it.

Obviously, this argument doesn't apply to every situation. Many people exist—and it's good that they do—because of terrible circumstances that you wouldn't wish on anyone else. A tragic situation isn't made right just because someone exists because of it. But my daughter's situation is not tragic. She was wanted and planned for and continues to be cared for by the people who wanted and planned for her. Even if you think it's not ideal, it's certainly no tragedy.

For my part, however, I do think it is ideal. She is being raised by the people who loved her before she even existed. She is exactly who she is because we are exactly who we are. There is no other way for any of this to go, no other ideal to strive for, because this is our ideal. And part of that includes the fact that she will know the truth about everything: her creation, her origins, her family, everything.

Nevertheless, I genuinely don't hold anything against people whose belief that I should not be raising a child with my wife comes from a place of care and concern for the child. This is a good place for that belief to come from, and I don't feel personally offended, much less hated. But obviously, I think they are wrong, and in the end, I am living the life I wished for with all of my heart and soul. To be bitter that not everyone agrees with it, despite still getting to live this way, would be deeply ungrateful. In the end, I won, and I don't mean that in a petty way. It just means I'm not a victim of anyone else's views.

Yes, it's true that people with these views might make it harder for people like me to live how I do in the future, and I do think there is a backlash coming our way due to the excesses of trans, queer, and overall woke politics. Of course I wouldn't simply stand by and let that happen just because I already have what I want. I would fight the same way I always have about issues I care about.

But I would also remind people like me to enjoy and be thankful for what they do have, and to focus on gratitude rather than on feeling like victims just because some people don't agree with them. And don't always assume that you are hated just because people disagree with you. I'd be a hypocrite to accuse people who disagree with our use of a known donor of bigotry, as I myself feel a certain way about anonymous gamete donation while harboring no hate for the people who choose that path.