Trans and the Narcissism of Hurt Feelings

Oh, how they suffer!

Because gender ideologues have no coherent arguments for their abusive demands, they always resort to appealing to their hurt feelings.

“If you don’t let that man compete on the women’s sports team, he’s going to feel excluded.”

“If you don’t let that man into the women’s changing room, he’s going to feel invalidated.”

The strategy of trying to manipulate women into allowing men who claim a female gender identity into our sports and spaces is narcissistic on its face. The very same second such sentiments are uttered, the speaker shows they don’t recognize, much less value, the feelings of the people on the other side.

Women’s feelings are also hurt when having to compete with men. Women’s feelings are also hurt when they lose female-only spaces. And even this is an understatement. Women are often devastated.

Let’s pretend for a minute that the hurt feelings from both sides cancel each other out. All things being equal, the situation is still weighted in favor of women. Men in their spaces and sports mean that they lose fairness, safety, privacy, and dignity. They suffer more than just hurt feelings.

But all things are not equal. The feelings of women matter more when it comes to their own sports and spaces than the feelings of the men invading them. A woman is infinitely more justified in being upset at having to compete against or undress in front of a man than a man is justified in being upset that he can’t compete against her in her own sports or watch her undress in her own changing room.

Just like you have every right to feel upset when someone is robbing your home, but the burglar is not justified in feeling upset when asked to leave.

The narcissism of hurt feelings applies very well to the case of Will “Lia” Thomas, the male UPenn swimmer who “transitioned to be happy.”

Did it matter to him or his supporters that his presence in the women’s changing room and in the women’s swimming competitions made many young women unhappy? Not in the least.

And yet, I can’t tell you how many times I bristled watching people try to point out the unfairness of the whole situation—even the parents of the female swimmers themselves—while giving lip service to Thomas’ feelings.

“We understand how hard it must be for Lia,” they would say.

Sure, narcissists suffer. They suffer when they aren’t the center of the universe. They suffer the way a toddler suffers when they throw a tantrum because they don’t know how to regulate their emotions yet.

We need to stop accepting the validity of the hurt feelings that gender ideologues experience when they don’t get their way. When you acknowledge and apologize for the suffering they experience when they can’t hurt others, you side with them against their victims.

The feelings of the person stealing from you and harming you in the process do not matter. You are allowed to tell them “no” and you are allowed to defend yourself without apology.

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