Something that bothers me a lot is when people want things to be worse than they actually are. It’s not just that they mistakenly believe things are worse than they are; it’s that they seem to really, truly want to believe it as well. As someone who is usually looking for reasons why things might not be as bad as they seem, this attitude frustrates and baffles me. I don’t understand why someone 1) wouldn’t look for evidence that they are wrong about their worst assumptions and 2) would reject that evidence when it is presented. But this happens all the time.
An example that my readers might be familiar with is how the trans community is constantly claiming that they are the victims of a genocide—particularly whenever JK Rowling happens to tweet. This is obviously an insane claim, and yet not a rare one. But this attitude is certainly not limited to the trans community. Many gay and lesbian people also love to lean into their perceived victimhood, even when they live in places where they can live safely and openly. Something I have written about a lot is the way in which progressives bait gay people with fear to keep us from voting more conservative even as they work to demolish the basic understanding of sex and sexuality that make gay people intelligible at all.
You see this attidue also in women who paint all men as evil and in men who do the reverse. We've seen a lot of this lately in the reaction to the Lindsay Clancy case. For a while there, it seemed like some men, and even some women, well and truly lost their minds, painting any women sharing about the difficulties of motherhood on social media as a sign that they despised their children or were perhaps even a danger to them. Just as I was in the middle of writing this, I came across a post from a woman who said she chose to homeschool her son because he was too disruptive in school. She obviously loves and cares for him and has chosen to do something more difficult herself to give him a better education. One of the replies chastised her for complaining about her child and said she sounded like Lindsay Clancy.
Something that really shocked me in paricular was the reaction that a lot of men had to a video compilation going around of moms showcasing the ridiculous intrusive thoughts you naturally get when you have a newborn—thoughts such as tripping while holding your baby and accidentally tossing them over a railing or down the stairs. Anyone who has ever had or even held a newborn knows these thoughts come unbidden and stem from your desire to protect and keep the infant safe. You have the thought and you shake it off and you hold the baby tighter and you keep going. However, these videos were misconstrued as showcasing the women fantasizing about harming their babies. It was honestly one of the most hysterical things I have ever seen on social media, and no matter how patiently actual mothers explained what was going on, countless men twisted themselves into pretzels to maintain their initial reading of the videos.
I do realize that many of the men’s reactions were in response to the support Lindsay Clancy was getting, especially in the form of videos where mothers filmed themselves having breakdowns (after setting up the phone just so to get the shot, of course). But the videos showcasing intrusive thoughts had nothing to do with this and were filmed long before. Any good-faith interpretation would not have connected the two. But the men losing their minds about it actually believe, or very much wanted to believe, that a bunch of mothers had made and posted videos of themselves fantasizing about harming their infants and a bunch of other mothers found the videos totally relatable. You really have to think that the world is so evil, and that a massive proportion of mothers in particular are so evil, in order to believe this. That so many people, despite all evidence, were able to imagine something so innocent was so sinister is really quite frightening to me.
Of course, I had to check myself and make sure I wasn't starting to slip into believing the worst about men. Most are, after all, reasonable creatures who would not view the videos that way or who would at least be open to the actual explanation and relieved to hear it.
And this is what upsets me the most—if you mistakenly believe terrible things about the world and the people in it, shouldn't you be relieved to find out that things aren't as bad as you fear? But it seems that many people who are committed to taking a negative view do not want that relief. They actively eschew it and double down on their initial view. Isn't it good that trans people are not facing an epidemic of violence? It's it good that it's possible to live openly in a same-sex relationship? Isn't it good that most men and women don't hate each other? And isn't it good that most moms love and care for their children and that there isn’t a trend on social media showing them fantasizing about harming their children?
Unfortunately, I think the reason people have a hard time admitting that things aren't as bad as they fear or claim is that it would require them to give up some of their victimhood. Victimhood is a hot commodity; it provides sympathy, attention, and even resources. Claiming to be oppressed, or at least that you are facing off against an evil enemy, galvanizes your own group and makes it easier to demand support.
And this is in no way limited to the left, as I have been strongly reminded. Recently, my provincial riding held a by-election. The United Conservative Party candidate that I had a lawn sign for and voted for lost. I followed the results closely as they came in. First were a small number of mail-in ballots, which heavily favored the New Democratic Party. Then the voting day ballots started rolling in, with my guy usually winning, but only by a few votes. Still, with about 70% of ridings reporting, he started to pull ahead! His lead grew and grew as the counting drew to a close, but then the early voting ballots, which accounted for a substantial portion of the total vote, came in and gave the NDP one final massive boost for the win. I was disappointed, but I said “oh well” and went to bed.
To my surprise, the next morning, many conservatives on social media were claiming that the election had been “stolen” because of the way the NDP suddenly overtook the UCP at the very end. Never mind that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for what happened, and never mind that many tried to explain it to them, they continued right on claiming everything was rigged and posting fake graphs to boot. It was so disgustingly disappointing that I felt I no longer wanted to support the same political party as these people.
Of course, I had to take my own advice again and calm down and realize that this was a relatively small number of loud voices on social media. There wasn't a similar outcry from the party and its wider membership. Things weren't as bad as I feared, and that was good.
But the people insisting the election was stolen don't want to hear or even entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, democracy isn't dead and that our vote counting system is very hard to cheat, as anyone who has been a scrutineer will attest. I even saw many claims that the results were due to the use of electronic tabulators, which are banned in our province. But does that matter to them? Does hearing the truth change their minds? Of course not. Accepting the truth would have to mean accepting that they lost not because they are victims of oppression, but because enough people simply think differently. Not only are voting trends in Alberta's cities changing, but in my opinion the NDP simply did a better job here. They got more signs out all over the community faster (it took an entire week for mine to come), and they encouraged their voters to get out to vote early. So we lost. And because we lost fair and square, we need to do better. But I guess that feels like too much responsibility for some. It's easier to believe that secret and nefarious powers are working against you.
What is astounding to me is that people want to look weak. They are okay with claiming that they have been hoodwinked and cheated instead of encouraging each other to have some agency and take part in the process they are so concerned about. Alberta also has a referendum coming up and there's already talk from the same people that the fix is already in. Are they going to apply to work the election or to be a scrutineer? Of course not! That would risk showing them that they have nothing to be concerned about.
This is what gets me about a lot of conspirational thinking. Questioning any story is great, but if your questions are sincere and legitimate, then you should be open to sensible answers. But those who seem to desperately wish conspiracies to be true don't care if they receive sensible answers.
I am reminded of a time I saw people on X, a few of them my own mututals, discussing an apparently bombshell revelation that of 270 women who got pregnant during Pfizer COVID vaccine trials, only 36 reported a pregnancy. From this is was dramatically extrapolated that 234 pregnancies were lost—an over 80% miscarriage rate! But that's not what happened at all. The remaining pregnancies were simply ongoing at the time the trials were finished.
You'd think people would be happy that their interpretation of the data was simply incorrect and that things weren't as bad as they feared. But of course that's not what happened at all. When I pointed this out, they doubled down and scoffed and reiterated that Pfizer and vaccines were evil and that I was stupid for believing their claims. I don't mind people thinking that of me, but I do mind the inconsistency. If I'm not allowed to point to Pfizer's data to show that a bunch of unborn babies didn't die, then you're not allowed to use it to claim that a bunch did.
I don't mean to rant; it just astounds me when people are more interested in pushing their own narrative—even if it involves something as awful as dead babies—than in the truth. If things just Aren't That Bad, then it becomes harder to convince people to support the Thing you are championing. There's less urgency. It maybe isn't so dire. Maybe we don't need to give trans-identified men unfettered access to women's spaces because they aren't at any increased risk of violence. Maybe we don't need to take away women's voting rights because they aren't posting fantasies about harming their children online. Maybe the opposing political party isn't an existential threat because they aren't cheating at elections. Maybe it's harder to win without exaggerations and lies, but I'd rather make better arguments.
Fundamentally, I think we are also suffering from a severe lack of gratitude. Most of us in the West live safe and stable lives, notwithstanding that everyone is struggling in some way. I certainly am. But we would do well with some awareness of how lucky we are. Should we strive to make it better and safeguard what we do have? Of course! But that's not going to happen by pretending to be victims based on lies and distortions.
There is a lot of bad in the world. But evil is not manifesting in moms trying to post relatable videos or in the outcome of a Canadian provincial by-election, and that's good, and we should be grateful for it.
I would certainly do well to remember that, contrary to the title of my post, it is not “everyone” who wants to believe that things are worse than they are. While it does seem that no side, group, or issue is immune to this attitude, there are definitely many people interested in truth, even if it goes against the goals of their own group. If the desire to play the victim is a part of human nature, then so too are our better impulses. Things might not be so bad after all.