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Ollie Parks's avatar

The topic of preferred pronouns came up also in the conversation Blocked and Reported podcast host Katie Herzog had recently with her guest Helen Lewis. The theme of the interview was new developments in the gender critical movement in the UK. One of them is "hold the line" polarization over matters such as preferred pronouns.

One can compare and contrast that podcast with this Substack essay by listening to that Blocked and Reported podcast at https://www.blockedandreported.org/p/episode-203-trouble-on-terf-island

It's precisely because I think reality is more important than language that I do not honor people's preferred pronouns. As a gay man, I am especially disinclined to use the preferred pronouns of women who claim to be gay men since that would normalize and encourage them. Now, that's fairly easy for me to do since, to my knowledge, I do not have any trans people among friends and acquaintances. Also, I'm selective about disclosing my gender critical views within my social circle.

However, I have heard indirectly that my granddaughter, age 16, is involved in some way with someone who claims to be trans. Before trans entered the equation, that person was referred to as her "boyfriend." That's going to be tough to negotiate.

I start from the premise that anyone who is a teen today and claims to be trans is almost certainly not trans. My stepdaughter is already aware of my gender-critical views, as is my husband. Assuming things progress to the point where I learn what his or her biological sex is, I will not use his or her preferred pronouns when speaking to my step daughter and husband about him or her. On the other hand, to preserve my relationship with my granddaughter, I will have to go along with whatever pronouns I am told to use. It isn't the kind of compromise with deep-seated principles that will keep me awake at night.

If, as could well happen, my granddaughter announces she's trans, the stakes will skyrocket. Thank heavens we live in different cities. It will then be time to buy copies of "When Kids Say they're Trans" for my stepdaughter, husband and myself and go from there.

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Kathleen Lowrey's avatar

I am a huge fan Eva but it is not possible to “strip language of its power”. The reason TRAs fight so hard on this and radfems do too is not because they are equivalent in “extremism” (not your words, but Stella O’Malley’s in defending the same point) but because they grasp that this is pivotal. Whatever their faults, TRAs are effective tacticians. Things would never have come to this if they were not.

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